sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
