On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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