Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
