She is in my trunk
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
