overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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