u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
