i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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