Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
