i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
