Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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