Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
