too bad you live with your parents still
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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