It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
