I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
