I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
