If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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