4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
