I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
