apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
