oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
