He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
