Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
