my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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