Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I lost the right to judge tonight
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
