If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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