The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
