I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
