Don't make out with my wife yet
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
