Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ladies don't puke and tell
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
