Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
