Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
