I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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