and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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