He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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