How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
