I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
