this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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