You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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