Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
