Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
