Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
