Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
