my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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