Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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