I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
