I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
