I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
