I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
