Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
