I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
