you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
