I only kidnapped one of them. chill
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
