His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
